A Quiet House, Me, and My Thoughts

I sit at home alone on a Friday afternoon thinking. Thinking about things I should be doing. Thinking about things I want to do. Thinking about who I am, what I've done, and what I will do. Thinking about people in my life now and people that have been in my life who are no longer. You know those people who seem to have it all together and are so sure of who they are and what they want in life. Well, I am not one of those people. I've been thinking a lot lately, and for me that's never good. I've been accused of thinking too much and I know that is true. But as I sit here, I want to actually get those thoughts out and just maybe I will stop thinking.....maybe.

What does the future hold for someone like me? What will I accomplish? Who will I help? Who will help me? Will I ever stop living life paycheck to paycheck? Will I reach those goals I have set for myself? Will I ever do those things with my family I have always wanted to do? Will I ever be again the person I used to be? What happened to that person? Where did she go?

As you can see, sitting at home alone on a Friday afternoon is very dangerous for me. Do you ever have afternoons like this? This is me. This is what goes through my head periodically throughout the day, the week, my life. This might be me asking for help. This might just be me being me. I'm not really sure. Why do we face things like this in life? I'm very blessed and I know that. I honestly have not gone through anything traumatic in my life. But still, how does one put on a smile when they don't feel like smiling? How does one laugh when they don't feel like laughing?

These are just some thoughts I've been having and don't know what I really want to accomplish by posting them out there for you to see. Maybe someday I will get a little break from thinking.

SMILE! Baby's First Pictures:)

So by now I'm sure the news is out we are having a girl, but as I promised we would post the ultrasound pictures. Paul and I have been wanting to do this together, but with our crazy schedules, we don't get much time at home together. The time we do get we just want to be lazy and just be together. So here goes. On March 11 at 3:30 in the afternoon Paul, my full bladder, and I headed to the doctors for the most exciting appointment we would have throughout the pregnancy. It was torture while we watched nurse after nurse walk into the waiting room and call back other patients (for more reasons than the full bladder). So Finally our turn came and I all but ran to the room.
I got up on the bed and after I was all prepped for the ultrasound, up on the screen came these pictures:
The nurse obviously enjoyed her job, and the fact that she had the power to continue the torture because she waited til the very end to reveal what Paul and I were so anxious to find out. But finally she put up this picture and asked what our guess was:



I had never paid much attention to ultrasounds I've seen before, so I had no clue. Finally she typed in 'GIRL' and I was so excited! I looked over to Paul and he had the biggest smile I have ever seen across his face. He knew from the very beginning it would be a girl. Looks like she is already wrapped around his little finger:)
After all the business was taken care of, the nurse showed us these incredible 3D pictures:

Already I can see she looks a lot like her dad:)

Funny story about this one. As I looked up at her, I noticed how she was laying and I realized I was laying the exact same. Right hand up under my head and my right leg crossed over my left. Awwww....so precious!

Last but not least...This one is by far my favorite! Notice right behind her ear. What does that look like? ....see it yet? I am convinced it is a thumb and 'someone' is up there watching out for her before she gets to us:)

So there ya have it...finally. I am so excited to bring this little girl into the world and pray that I'm up to the challenge. As the news has gotten out I've had some fun responses such as "now you're going to have to learn how to do hair!" and "what will you do if she is a little 'princess'?" But whatever she brings to our family and whatever I have to learn, I am up for it and thank my Heavenly Father for this amazing responsibility He is trusting Paul and I with and I pray I won't let Him down.

I just want to say one more thing. We have some friends and family members who are struggling at this time with their desire to add to and bring more members to their own families. I just want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope that you know I look up to your great faith and your strength. I hope you also know that as I am so excited and look forward to this baby we will be bringing into our family, know that I feel a bit guilty and saddened for what you are going through. I have found that being pregnant, I have begun to think about things differently, and I am able to feel deeper. I hope this came out the way I intended it to. I am surrounded by amazing men and women who I can't explain why they go through the things they do, but know that I love you and count myself so very blessed for knowing you:)