I sit at home alone on a Friday afternoon thinking. Thinking about things I should be doing. Thinking about things I want to do. Thinking about who I am, what I've done, and what I will do. Thinking about people in my life now and people that have been in my life who are no longer. You know those people who seem to have it all together and are so sure of who they are and what they want in life. Well, I am not one of those people. I've been thinking a lot lately, and for me that's never good. I've been accused of thinking too much and I know that is true. But as I sit here, I want to actually get those thoughts out and just maybe I will stop thinking.....maybe.
What does the future hold for someone like me? What will I accomplish? Who will I help? Who will help me? Will I ever stop living life paycheck to paycheck? Will I reach those goals I have set for myself? Will I ever do those things with my family I have always wanted to do? Will I ever be again the person I used to be? What happened to that person? Where did she go?
As you can see, sitting at home alone on a Friday afternoon is very dangerous for me. Do you ever have afternoons like this? This is me. This is what goes through my head periodically throughout the day, the week, my life. This might be me asking for help. This might just be me being me. I'm not really sure. Why do we face things like this in life? I'm very blessed and I know that. I honestly have not gone through anything traumatic in my life. But still, how does one put on a smile when they don't feel like smiling? How does one laugh when they don't feel like laughing?
These are just some thoughts I've been having and don't know what I really want to accomplish by posting them out there for you to see. Maybe someday I will get a little break from thinking.
Howdy Spring
10 months ago
There is a time and season for everything. I have found that you need to enjoy each season as much as possible and not worry to much of when and what is to come. If you enjoy your day to day(there will be some not so enjoyable)in the now you will have great memories and will enjoy the what will be coming. Some of our fondest memories are of the paycheck to paycheck and the poorest less active times in our lives. No worries just enjoy and find the good in everyday and you will be happy. Love Ya
ReplyDeleteKaylene,
ReplyDeleteYou are officially HUMAN. I think we all think about those things. I must agree with the last post, some of my best memories are when we were poor and we had to be creative and pull together to get through it. I remember thinking if I could make more money or keep my house clean, or be better at serving others, be better at this or that, etc, etc, then my life would be better.
From my small experiences once you tackle that goal then there are 7 others that come into to play and you can feel overwhelmed by it all. I know I do. Take it all into perspective and realize "this too shall pass".
As far as being the person you once were, if you figure that out let me know. I loved the carefree days of our childhood. We had a BLAST no kids had more fun than us. (commercial making, driving the yellow car, girls camp, playing in the field in your back yard, listening to REBA, sleepovers, the list goes on) I wish I was more of that person at times when I could care less what others thought and did it because it was fun. BUT as we grow and have new life experiences we change with them. SO figure it out how to be more of the person you want and then clue me in on your secret. Man you could make lots of money if you figure that out, that would solve 2 of your problems at once!
LOVE YA.